The Loss
by melanie.campbell.3348
Summary: It's not my usual writing by any means, but it wanted out of my brain, so I let it. I am not sure where to go from here yet. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this tiny chapter. Heck, I might leave it as a one-shot. If I do, I'll mark it complete. Angst Major character death warning. Rated M just because. JE owns all. Thanks for reading.
1. Chapter 1

Barely at the cusp of consciousness, I don't think. I feel. Sorrow. Heartache. Loss.

The feeling is heavy and weighs me down. My mind struggles through it to awareness, and I remember.

Him.

He's gone.

I soon become aware of my body. My arms wrap around the blankets, hugging them tightly against me. Almost desperately, not wanting to let go. I let myself pretend for a moment. Nuzzling them closely, I catch the faint scent of him. I await tears, but none come. Odd. They flowed endlessly last night before sleep mercifully took over. Now, they have abandoned me, and all I am left with is this heaviness. The loss.

I can lie here, wallow in his lingering scent and immerse my self in memories. So tempting. So easy. Before I let the flood of memories crash over me, my mind tries desperately to save me.

I must get up it urges me. Surely, someone must need me. Someone depending on me for something.

It sounds logical to me, though I can't think of anyone.

Not anymore.

I open one eye. It's harder then it should be. Were my eyelids always this heavy? Taking in the light, I realize it must be late morning. Good, this day is half over. I mindlessly sit up, as a puppet whose strings are pulled, and leave the sanctuary of my bed. I go through the morning ritual motions and try not to notice the quiet all around me.

"It's just me. I'm alone." Whispers come from the back of my mind, and I hush them.

"Not yet. I'm not ready for the truth." I answer.


	2. Chapter 2

**This story is not for everyone and is nothing like my usual writing.**

 **I took my feelings from a real life tragedy, and used them in this story.**

 **It has a major character death, so be aware.**

 **In saying that, I hope you will give it a chance.**

 **Thanks for reading!**

 _ **...**_

 _ **Previously...**_

 ** _"It's just me. I'm alone." Whispers come from the back of my mind, and I hush them._**

 ** _"Not yet. I'm not ready for the truth." I answer._**

...

Steph heard banging on the front door, and pulled the pillow over her head.

 _Go away. Please go away. Leave me alone._

A tear slid slowly down her cheek.

 _Alone. He left me, alone._

With that last word, the tears streamed down her face, and she was soon sobbing. She didn't even notice when the pillow was lifted away, and she was cradled in someone's arms. She buried her face in their shoulder. Eyes shut tightly. Her head shaking ,"No."

He stroked her hair and whispered what was meant to be calming words in her ear.

She didn't hear them, or even feel his touch.

He soon gave up trying to calm her, and just rocked her softly in his arms. He held her long after her tears stopped. Till she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. Yet, he didn't lie her down. He held her. He looked down at what was once the face he thought of as innocent. Now, it held misery and pain. Even as she slept.

He brushed a curl back that was matted to her forehead.

"Oh, little girl." His voice caught, and the tears now slipped from his eyes. "I am so sorry."

 **Thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Previously...**

 **He brushed a curl back that was matted to her forehead.**

 **"Oh, little girl." His voice caught, and the tears now slipped from his eyes. "I am so sorry."**

 **…...**

"This is my life now." Steph spoke out loud, and her whisper seemed too loud in the quiet room.

Quiet. It's always quiet now. Funny how you take some noises for granted. The sound of him making coffee way too early in the morning. The endless ringing of his phone, and his constant greeting, "Report." The sound of his breath in her ear as he nibble and kissed his way down her neck.

A crushing pain raced through her chest, and she screamed before doubling over.

The door crashed open, and someone rushed in yelling. Steph had no idea who. She was blinded by her pain. She felt herself being lift and carried, and heard a voice repeating, "Breathe."

She willed her body to listen, and her ragged breathing steady as she stared forward, eyes open, but seeing nothing.

She had know idea how much time pasted, nor did she care. Time meant nothing to her now.

"I remember when there never seemed to be enough time in the day to just be with him. There was always something going on. Some crazy after me, some crisis in Atlanta, always something."

"I know, Steph."

His voice startling her.

"Did I say that out loud?"

He nodded slowly.

"I didn't even know you were here." She glance at Les's face, then down to find herself cradle in his arms as he sat on the couch. Looking back at his face, she noted how wrong he looked.

"You don't look like my Les."

He always had happiness beaming from him. His eyes were always bright. Now... Now, she could only see despair.

Reaching up, Steph placed her hand to his cheek. "You look like me."

He gently placed his hand on hers and closed his eyes before nodding slowly.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Character's thoughts in _italic_**

 **Previously...**

Reaching up, Steph placed her hand to his cheek. "You look like me."

He gently placed his hand on hers and closed his eyes before nodding slowly.

 **...**

Steph had always been their sunshine. The one who brought light into their dark and troubled lives. Now, the sun was gone, and replaced with a dense fog that weighed heavily on all of Rangeman.

Woody glanced at the men's faces as he walked through the monitor room to his office. Despondent. He noted the silence, and remembered not long ago how this room was bright and filled with laughter. _What a difference she made._ He stopped with his hand on the door knob, "It's like we lost them both." A wave of nodding passed through the room. "How is she today?" They had someone stationed outside her door around the clock, and would check on her often. They frequently found her crying in bed, but it was heartbreaking when they would find her staring out a window. It was as if she was waiting for him to come back home.

Hal shook his head. "Not good. Les found her screaming lying on the floor. He's been up there for hours."

Woody nodded in reply. Choosing to abandoning the ever growing pile on paperwork awaiting him in his office, he headed up to seven.

Dread filled him as the numbers approached seven on the elevator display. He hated this now familiar feeling. He tried to push it back with the memory of a happier time. His mind settled on one of the game nights she would host.

Steph invited the guys up to watch the big games, but insisted they bring something unhealthy with them. He remembered her standing at the door in a baseball jersey that looked like it was Tank's size and her curls escaping around her cap as she would inspect the food for unhealthiness.

"You can't watch a game and eat grass and raisins."

"Sprouts, Babe. Not grass." Ranger chuckled.

"If it looks like the lawn, it shouldn't be on a fork!"

Ranger gave in, as he always did for her. The memory bringing a small smile to Woody's face, till the ding of the elevator broke his small moment of happiness.

He found Cal on duty outside the apartment door, and thought he must have pulled a double shift from the tired look in his eyes.

"Is she okay now?"

"No, but she will be." Cal replied. The relief clear in his voice.

 **...**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	5. Chapter 5

Shock and disbelief filled Woody. _No. I must have misheard him._ "Is she alright?" He repeated slowly, knowing the answer would be the same miserable look in the guard's eyes as everyday before.

"She will be." Cal repeated softly.

"What? They told me she was found screaming on the floor." Aggravation obvious in his voice. He wasn't sure if it was from Cal's optimism, or that he couldn't heal her pain.

"She talking." Cal sighed in relief, and saw Woody's eyes widen. "They've been talking for hours now." He smiled. "I wouldn't let Vince relieve me, just so I could hear her voice."

Waves of emotions washed over Woody as he listened to Cal's words, before settling on hope. He leaned in close to the door to hear the proof himself.

He heard it. She was talking. Not crying. His hand covered his mouth quickly when he heard her soft laugh.

"I know. It's the most beautiful sound." Cal spoke softly. "I think they are reminiscing."

 **...**

"You alright?"

Steph nodded while readjusting her legs before settling back next to Less on the couch. Her head against his shoulder.

"Can I get you anything?" Less asked and began to stand up.

Steph tug on his arm. "Stay."

He nodded and settled back, pulling her close.

"Finish your story. I want to hear about him as a kid."

Less smiled as he thought of the memory. "Well, Tia, that's means Aunt."

"I know that." Steph rolled her eyes.

"Of course you do." He laughed softly, then continued. "Tia was showing Carlos how to make the family recipe for flan. She told him if he was going to eat it all, and not let anyone else have any, he could make one for himself."

"Wait." Steph sat up. "Carlos? My Carlos? Ate dessert?" The disbelief showed on her face. "You're messing with me." She accused.

"Really! He did back then. Every year, he would somehow sneak in the kitchen, and eat half of it before we were even finished with dinner." He laughed. "You should have seen him in the kitchen with Tia. His white shirt covered in caramel. Me and the cousins teased him all night, calling Caramel Carlos. He didn't seem to care, and I'll be damned, he ate his entire flan himself." They both laughed at that. "That was my favorite Thanksgiving." Less sighed happily.

"I love that story. Thanks Less."

"Anytime, prima." He chuckled. "That story kind of made me hungry."

Steph jumped up suddenly. "Less! You have to show me the family recipe!"

"Now?"

Steph's stood there, hand on her hip and tapped her foot.

"Alright then. Let's make a Caramel Coved Steph."

 **...**

 **Prima - Female cousin in Spanish**

 **Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Character's thoughts in _Italic_**

 **Previously...**

Steph's stood there, hand on her hip and tapped her foot.

"Alright then. Let's make a Caramel Covered Steph."

 **...**

"I'll take next watch if you want to get some rest, Cal." Woody offered, leaning closer to the door to hear Steph's giggles better.

"You would have to use a tank to get me away from this door now."

"That could be arranged." Tank stood with his arms folded, towering over them. "What the hell is going on? I check in, and Hal tells me she is having one of her bad days, that Les has been in there all freaking day, and that you two are glued to the door." Tank didn't miss the shocked expression in Cal's eyes. "Forgot about the cameras, huh?" Shaking his head slightly in disapproval, "Dismissed."

Cal opened his mouth to protest, but quickly shut it after seeing the anger in Tank's eyes, and slowly walked away.

"I was just trying to relieve him." Woody quickly added.

"Don't give me that..." He paused after hearing a squeal come from inside Steph's apartment.

Woody saw Tank's eyes widened in fear. "No, she's just..." That was all he could get out, before Tank burst through the door, ripping it from the hinges.

Steph screamed and grabbed on to Les, who had his gun now aimed at the doorway.

"Laughing." Woody shook his head. "She was just laughing."

"What? I don't understand." Tank surveyed the scene. It appeared that there had been some kind of explosion in the kitchen. Sugar and caramel covered every surface.

Les put his gun away, and looked down at his now ruined shirt. "Gross! We are supposed to be covering you in goo, not me!"

Steph couldn't help but burst out laughing. Les and Woody joined in, but it wasn't till she calmed down that she saw the shock in Tank's eyes. She marched over to him and hugged him tightly.

Tank stood frozen for a minute, not believe what he was seeing. He had become used to seeing her hysterically crying, or vacantly staring. It had been too long since he saw her smile or heard her laugh. He felt her small arms around him, and felt her body shake from her giggles. _She's back._ "I missed you, little girl." He whispered into her curls, and squeezed her back.

Steph pulled back from his arms, and he reluctantly let her go. Looking around from the messy kitchen, to the destroyed door, then to her friends, she smiled. "I missed you, too. All of you."

"Then, we need to fix that. Nothing would make the men happier, than to see your smiling face." Tank smiled.

She pointed at his shirt and laughed. "Oh, I think that would make them laugh."

Confused, he looked down at his shirt, and saw that it was covered in whatever goo that coated Steph, Les, and almost everything in the kitchen.

The sight of Tank, now doubled over in laughter, shocked Steph. _The giant of a man, who shouts orders to the men, and only smiled for me, is laughing?_ She soon found herself joining in, while Les whipped out his phone to take pictures.

 **Thanks for reading!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Character's internal thoughts are in** ** _Italic._**

"Wait. How long?" _That can't be right._

"A month." Les repeated softly. "You haven't left the apartment in a month."

I looked around at the monitor room at all the men's faces, while my brain tried to understand Les's words. They didn't look like my Merry Men anymore, the family I knew and loved. Anguish twisted some of their faces, causing me to look away quickly before it over took me again. Anger was prevalent in others, but in a few of the men's eyes I saw hope, and a hint of a smile as they looked at me. _Hope in me?_ That's when it hit me. I had left them. Abandoned them. _"Too."_ My mind whispered, and I felt the familiar pain pushing to return to the home it had made in my chest. _No. Not now. Not again._ Squeezing my eyes shut, I shook my head and fought back this time. "No."

"You okay, Steph? Maybe we should go back..."

"No." I interrupted, looking him straight in the eye. "No."

This brought a small smile to his face, and just for a moment, I caught a glimpse of my old Les. Before I knew it, I felt my cheeks pull up in a smile. The pain in my chest receded, and was replaced with warmth. I thanked Les with a kiss on the cheek, before turning to smile at the men, my family.

One by one, I saw smiles returned to those haggard faces as I scanned the room. The unmistakable expression of relief from Hal's face stopped me. Crossing the room, I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry." My words muffled as he bear hugged me in return.

"We love you, Steph. You're family. No need to apologize. We understand."

His words brought tears to my eyes. Tears were all too familiar to me lately. This time, instead of the painful sting they usually brought, the warmth in my chest grew. I felt overwhelmed by the love from my friends, my family.

 _My family. Oh no!_

"Oh shit." The realization began to hit me. "Oh shit!" I pushed out of Hal's hug, and began to franticly pace back and forth. "My family!" My voice screeched. "They must be freaking out! I didn't call. Hell, I don't even know where my phone is!" Hector appeared out of no where holding a phone out to me. "Gracias." I starred down at the screen, and saw the phone call and message icons were both showing over a hundred. "I missed all those Sunday dinners!" I was beginning to go into hysterics. My hands tried desperately to push my wild curls from my face. "My mother must have burned up the iron!"

"What?" Woody questioned while he and the others watch me, their heads moving with my pacing.

"What?" I stopped. "Oh. When her nerves are shot, she irons. It's usually me that drives her to iron."

I could picture her ironing away in the kitchen. When she went through all the laundry, she would grab anything she could find. "One time, after I showed up to Sunday dinner with a black eye, complements from a skip, she started ironing the washcloths. I remember Grandma laughing, and bring her the dish towels to do next." _I remember giggling at that, too._ That got me thinking. "I'm surprised Grandma hasn't come by."

That brought a groan from the men.

"What?" _She is a handful, but..._

"She has."

 _Did Tank just roll his eyes when he said that?_ I blinked. _No. I must be seeing things._

"Hal threatened to quit if we let her back into the monitor room." He continued.

I turned to Hal, and gestured at his abundant muscular stature. "Oh come on. You can't handle a little old lady?"

"She sat on my lap." He mumbled.

"Well, that doesn't sound so..."

"And tried to give me a lap dance."

"So bad." I continued. "Yeah. Yeah, that does."

 **Thanks for reading!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Previously...**

 _Did Tank just roll his eyes when he said that?_ I blinked. _No. I must be seeing things._

"Hal threatened to quit if we let her back into the monitor room." He continued.

I turned to Hal, and gestured at his abundant muscular stature. "Oh, come on. You can't handle a little old lady?"

"She sat on my lap." He mumbled.

"Well, that doesn't sound so..."

"And tried to give me a lap dance."

"So bad." I continued. "Yeah. Yeah, that does."

 **...**

The room erupted in laughter, and I couldn't help myself from joining in. When I finally tried to catch my breath, I wiped my eyes and was surprised to find tears. I stared at the watery drops on my finger for a moment. It seems like they were a part of me now, a part of my appearance. Always present on my face. _Such a small little drop. It has carried so much of my pain, and now happiness._ I felt Les's arm around my shoulder, and I nodded, indicating that I was alright. I walked straight up to a very red face, embarrassed Hal, and hugged him again. I whispered thank you, as he hugged me back. The laughter had died down, and that's when I heard it. Panic tore through my chest again. My hands quickly covered my horrified gasp. Everyone went silent and still, and now the sound was almost deafening to my ears. "Rex!" I ran towards the sound of him running on his squeaky wheel. "How could I have forgotten about you?" I fell to my knees in front of his cage.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Steph." Woody smiled down at me as he leaned against the door jam of his office. "We took care of him. We know how much he means to you."

My eyes still full of worry, as I watched the wheel stop and Rex scurry over to my hand pressed against the glass of his cage.

"He must have heard your voice. He hasn't been this active."

Looking back up to Woody, I sighed, "Thank you." He smile and nodded in return. I scooped up Rex, and snuggled him closely to my cheek. I missed his soft fur, and the little hamster noises he makes. Not wanting to stress the poor thing out, I put him back in his cage. Looking around for a treat for the little guy, I wasn't surprised to find a bowl full of little veggies and raisins next to his cage. Shaking my head and giggling, "They've got you eating healthy, too?" I dropped a raisin in, and he quickly shoved it in his mouth, then ran into his soup can. "Poor thing, must miss cheese puffs." _Mmm... Cheese puffs sound good. Cheese...Pizza!_ "I'm hungry!"

Woody held the bowl of Rex's treats out to me. The look I gave him in return, had him slowly putting down the bowl, and backing off.

"Steph, we just ate." Les laughed.

"That was dessert. Now, I need food. Pizza. I need pizza." I felt the buzz of my phone that I had shoved in my pocket. I didn't even look at it. I knew who it was. "Besides, I need it."

"You need pizza?" Les joked.

"It will give me the courage I need to face my family."

"Alright then. Pino's it is. Move out!"

I leaned into Les as he guided me to the door, and whispered, "Thanks."

"Anything you need." He smiled.

"I might need a donut afterwards."

He burst out laughing. "Of course you do!"

 **...**

 **Thanks for reading!**


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